Once again, I'm dropped into the deep pool of failure and I'm learning to swim all over again.
The failure... unsuccessful on my TCRG exams... meaning I have not a clue what I passed and what I didn't, or whether I can take just one or two parts over or if I would have to retake the whole thing.
Did I learn anything? Definitely
Am I a better person for having gone through this year? Probably
Will someone please come put me out of my misery? Not likely
Okay, it's more like treading to keep from drowning. I know I'll formulate some kind of plan and figure out how to live with me and all my inadequacies. I mean, it's not like this is the first time I have failed, even this year.
In fact, I'm so experienced in failure that I should be able to teach a class on it.
But the thing that I can't ignore is the fact that I can only fail when I try something hard. If it were easy, I would always succeed.
So why do I keep putting myself in precarious situations that leave the door wide open to another failure?
Because I want more. I'm never going to be satisfied sitting in my own mediocrity (definition... moderate to inferior in quality; ordinary). Wait, isn't that what all my failures are trying to prove? That I am the definition of mediocre?
Maybe. I guess I'm rebellious.
So world, I give you proof that I'm trying to be better, even if I'm still not there. Failure is proof that I tried.
For how to handle success, please find someone who knows more about it. I don't happen to be an expert in that field. We don't have a happy dance at our house. Or a this-is-what-we-do-when-things-go-insanely-right tradition. It seems like we spend most of our time figuring out how to get over the next hurdle.
Hopeful or Hopeless?
1 day ago